A Few Firsts...

A few weeks ago we decided that it would be a good idea to get Jackson into some sort of summer camp for the last weeks of summer until his preschool starts up this fall. Since we have our newest family addition it has been much harder for us to do things out of the house so this was a brilliant idea to help keep that mind of his growing and learning and good for me as well. Kevin and I calculated that probably since Jackson has been born he has been in the care of others for a total of 24 hours. We knew this would be a bit of shock for him as it was for me leaving him there because of the sadness I felt in my heart for him. I did not want him to be scared or to think I was not coming back. Day #1 consisted of Jack crying, tearing my clothes off in pure fear that we would leave him, and we did. I sat out in the hall and listened to him to what seemed like hours while I waited to talk to the director of the school and it was torture. I cried as I handed her the check for the session, I cried as I saw my friend Michelle outside, and I cried on the way home. I had hoped that he would soon settle down and enjoy the day ahead of him. When I went to pick him up (they have him in a pick-up line outside) he was sobbing. I heard him the second I got out of the car. It was pitiful. He was so scared and sad and it made me feel like an inch tall for leaving my baby there. But nonetheless, Jackson needs to be away from his mom and learn that it will be okay. Day #2 Kevin dropped him off. He said he cried (but I'm sure he kept it low key so there would not be two of us upset) and when I went to pick him up again, he was again hysterical when I picked him up. Needless to say we have started to pick him up inside the school instead of out and that has helped. They tell me that he is very happy there, and each time I go he is a little less hysterical and he is no longer crying when I pick him up. Thankfully. This could be the beginning of a good thing.

Jackson also went to his first movie ever at the movie theater a few weeks before Brecken arrived. We decided that he might like the movie Rio. We got to the theater at 10AM and he politely handed his ticket to the man in a wheelchair and didn't know what to think of all the lights and the snack bar. Jack loves his snacks. We purchased a popcorn for $16 and I had put two waters in my purse for healthy and cost measures. They have little boosters for the kids and Jack sat in between Kevin and I. They were showing the previews and he was shell shocked I think. He did not even take a bite of popcorn until half-way through the movie. He sat the entire movie, laughed a little and eventually ate the rest of the popcorn.  I kept looking over at Kevin in awe that our baby was able to sit there. It was such a sweet affair for us.

Brecken doesn't have many firsts as of yet...but the one I will highlight today is that he FINALLY after 2 whole months of 1-3 hour increments of sleep, slept 7 straight hours. Now this has not happened again since that lovely night, but I have high hopes it will be back. As in my prior post, Brecken is smiling and its so precious. He makes such great coo noises too. He is getting stronger and actually does like to lay on his tummy. We have his 2 month appointment this Friday and I bet he is 12.5lbs!!

As for me...This is the first time I have ever uttered the words "I wish I had a good pair of mom jeans".

Teeter Totter

We are now at week six of sweet little baby Brecken's life. That only means we are also at week six of being completely unorganized, un-showered and sleep deprived. Team O'Hare has officially reached a teeter totter way of life. There is no balance to be found. At least not yet.

Last Friday-
Brecken decided that it would be a good day to practice doing an "all-dayer". He succeeded. 6AM came and he did not see much slumber until 11:30PM that evening. During this time however he was not fussy. He just wanted to be held, played with, clean and content for those 17.5 hours. But not to worry I still got to practice my patience with Jack. After a long nights rest (yeah right) I wake up to fighting with Jack to eat his eggs that I worked so hard to do with Breck in my arms. Then my day really starts....Jack wants to go outside...okay shoes on and he is out the door. Two maybe three minutes later he is back at the door with his face covered in ash from the fire pit and clothes blackened. I had thought until a few days later when he did it again that he had just fallen face first. He looked that bad. But I had stripped down outside and rushed him upstairs to give him a shower. Not long after this he spilled a glass of lemonade on the floor, I'm sure to check if there was any left in the cup...this of course was after he had already spilled it on our coffee table (which I did decide to turn my head and choose this battle NOT to fight) and was splashing around in it laughing like he was so pleased with himself for doing such a fine deed. Then there was a diaper change that was done on the couch which I thought was just a pee diaper but once I had it half-way off I soon realized it was good old #2....I reached for the wipes and viola..Jack jumped up, poo all over the sofa. Later that day after changing another one of Jack's wonderful diapers, I tossed it down our stairs so it would  eventually make it to the dumpster and much to my dismay it exploded when it hit the bottom of the staircase and 10's of 1000's little crystals came pouring out onto my nicely just mopped floor. This would also be the day Jack has decided to take it in his own hands to be tidy. Ritz wrapper, diapers, pencils...you name it, he puts them into what he "thinks" is a garbage but actually resembles alot like a toilet.  At 3PM I have not eaten lunch..I am starving. My kickoff to a 30-day challenge of weight loss with a few of my girlfriends seems to diminish as I reach for a cold hot dog and not one, not two but three beers. I put baby Brecken in a swing that no longer works and I call a friend, cry, and push rock my baby for 60 minutes to have some down time...if that is what you want to call down time. So the things I need to do just keep getting pushed further and further down the list. Like getting that birthday present I need for tomorrow afternoon's party or going grocery shopping because my in-laws are on their way to our house as we speak. The house not to mention has to be cleaned and I have piled probably 6 loads of laundry on my bed to be folded and put away. I have actual "work" to do and I feel like I will get fired any day if I don't start doing more and exercise...forget it. Ziki is meowing at me to be fed to what seems like every 5 minutes and I realize if I don't brush my teeth the minute I hop out of bed in the morning it may not get done until I see the bed again that evening.

I realize I am not the only one living like I'm on a roller coaster with no seat belt or there would not be 13,000 books out there to help you cope with your toddler, baby and motherhood. I realize that once I reach some sort of balance even for a few days, I will have a whole new set of obstacles ahead of me. But there is something about watching my babies grow into independent, bossy, short tempered, funny little men that I just can't grasp. Is it pride, love or both? Not long ago both my boys were blueberries in my belly at pregnancy week 7. Now Brecken smiles and coo's (much earlier than Jack ever did) and it melts my heart. Getting Brecken kisses are the best because he always smiles afterwards, which in between my diaper dilemmas and Jackson "sneaking to eat" Ziki's food I cherish. I do look forward to the day where I don't have to say "Kevin who???" and can stay up past 9:30 to watch grown-up TV. I know I will miss this...someday. But will I ever "really" miss cleaning poop up off the sofa???

Jackson at Grayson and Kaden's birthday party!! I think he just spilled some juice on him. Oops!

 hahahahahaha!!!! Silly.

 Is Jack pulling Breck's hair....Oh my!

 Hello handsome!

 I love this picture for so many reasons!

 4th of July Parade in our neighborhood!! Jack and his best buddy Caleb!! Looks like Jack takes after his mother with crooked sunglasses.

 The parade!!! We were of course last in line.

 Caught red-handed at the computers!

 Brecken sure misses his Grandma...

 My baby is tired!

Jack was a power-ranger at a birthday party this past weekend. He loved it so much!

Sweet Summertime

When I was growing up summertime was looked forward to all year by everyone I knew...maybe except for my mother who now had a million children at her house. But it was so exciting to me possibly because it was the only time I could wear a t-shirt outside without getting cold or that school was out for almost 12 weeks. It doesn't matter how old you get your sense of smell can take you back to many memories. When I go home to Montana in the summer the smells take me back to that little girl who used to sit on her fathers lap and watch Gun Smoke or that wild teenager my mother could not cage. Just getting off the airplane there is a huge difference with the air you are breathing. It is so fresh and cool. Even on days where it gets up to 90 degrees the evening and mornings are still so cool and crisp, which is not a luxury here in the south. The smell of fresh cut grass (my favorite still today) and the smell of dirt (I can still see my fingernails being so dirty from a hard days play) still make me giddy. I remember when would  drive around town with the windows rolled down (something I am unable to do now) and when we used to sleep outside in my front yard we would wake up to morning dew on our faces. Or the many times that we would go our cabin in the mountains (which did not have indoor plumbing and our outhouse was pink). I miss these things in my adult life.

Now summer brings on a whole new sense where I live now.  Its hot, and 12 weeks off of school doesn't bring on the same excitement. Its so hot, that the first year that I lived here I couldn't go out to my car to fetch something without being drenched in sweat. From the time I got into my car, drove to work (I even had air conditioning) walked into the door at work, my arm pits were drenched and my hair slicked back. You would have thought I only bought deodorant and not antiperspirant. I needed to pack an extra shirt just for the 5 minute drive. My body has regulated since then so this is no longer a problem (thankfully).  Summertime here also brings BUGS. Big bugs, little bugs, smelly bugs, biting bugs, I can't believe what I just saw bugs.  It will be a heaven for my sons, but I personally do not like it. I do however enjoy the lighting bugs.  But I love summertime. Mainly because ahem my birthday, wedding anniversary is in the summer months and there is nothing better then a ice cold beer in a can that has been in a cooler all day. I love sitting outside listening to the crickets or yes katydids (we found one on our porch the other day) and watching the hummingbirds, and nothing brings a bigger smile to my face then seeing my big boy play so hard that he is soaked with sweat...however the humidity may also play a part in this. I just wonder how many fires my husband will have this summer in our red neck fire pit because of course we didn't have ANY this winter when it was appropriate.

I can't help but wonder what my own children will remember or what smells of each season will bring back which memories. I wonder if it will make them as happy as it makes me to come across a smell that brings back that sense of being a child or just a happy time in your life and if what I do on a daily basis help make it possible.

Behold...the redneck fire pit built by Kevin.

 Jack's curls have made a comeback! Yay!!

 Pool time!

My shirt actually says something underneath all that dirt. Love this so much!! 

 Jack just loves to play in the dirt. Not only do we have to wash his hands when he comes inside..we have to wash his feet. He also likes to bring piles of dirt to drop off on the porch, in the middle of the lawn and the toy box. Thanks Jack!

Soon baby Brecki will be joining in the outside fun with his big brother!

Moving Ahead

This week is one of those weeks you want to fold up into an envelope and read in 7 years when you can laugh about it. Its when you had both the best moments of your life right along side with your lowest points. How does someone so small (Jack) cause both scenarios within a matter of seconds not to mention several times a hour? Those of you who are living this as we speak may feel my pain as well as you veterans who have gone onto other "major problems" your older children are bringing you.

I have said several times in the prior weeks that I knew things would get worse before they got better. But what I failed to realize that I also seem to be juggling returning phone calls, piling laundry (clean, but needs to be folded and put away), sleep, watering plants, ect, ect... on top of changing two sets of diapers, keeping two children happy, showering....ect, ect. I'm also pretty sure Ziki is now on the 2nd back burner when at one point in our lives he was the one we would call and leave messages on our answering machine to tell him we loved him and so he could hear our voice in case he was lonely. Yesterday marked one of the lowest points to date with Jack. I was mortified by his behavior at a play date that I picked up and left within 20 minutes of being there. After I calmed down and Jack calmed down, I realized what an AMAZING support system I have here. My husband is my #1 fan and supporter. My sweet friends here in my neighborhood, and those who I rant an email to and immediately get a phone call to say "Oh honey, it will be okay...it will get better. I have been there." I'm not sure where I would be without any of you. Probably crazy.

As much as I love my babies and as perfect as Breck seems we are not always perfect. Some days are better then others and I'm hoping that myself and Jackson can find a balance. Whether its "terrible twos" or having a new baby in the house or both...I love him. I love that he gets jokes when we tell them. That he laughs at movies. That he kisses his brother often. I even love that the couch squeaks because he may have broken it by jumping on it or that he even ate our postage stamps.

But not all is bad in the O'Hare household this week. They detected a heart murmur on Brecken while we were in the hospital and today we found out it is innocent/normal and we don't ever have to go back to the cardiologist. I teared up while my 19 day old boy was laying on the table, swaddled with his bare chest showing, alert and puckering his lips (my #1 favorite thing he does). I was not scared about the echo they were doing. Its an ultrasound and I obviously got several during both pregnancies and know its a good thing to make sure we have NO holes in his heart. I was not scared about what they would find because in my heart I knew he would be okay. But I will say it was a bit overwhelming with the nursery music they were playing along with the stuffed animals that were lined around the room we were in. One of which we have in our house. We call him teddy bear. (Yes very orginal and I'm sure you can not guess what type of animal it is.) But I couldn't help but imagine being someone else who had been in the exact same room sitting in the exact same chair, but getting different results. Results that could potentially change your child's life and yours. I watched the screen as I have seen an ultrasound screen a thousand times and true to form I could not make anything out. But fortuntley we have all four chambers (I have a picture to prove it) and a perfect heart. Our Doctor was amazing. First of all he looked like my friends husband (which made an instant love for him) and was a true southern boy with manners to match. He was so charming. I instantly fell in love even though he was probably 30 years my age and with 4 boys himself all of which he said were blad until they were 2 so he was naturally impressed with the lovely locks Breck holds. He was so gentle with Breck and he melted my heart. I could tell he truly cared and this is what makes a wonderful doctor. But by the end of our appointment/love affair, he broke up with me. He said he never wanted to see me again unless it was on the street....sigh...

Moving on to the following weeks of our new life I am very thankful for my childrens health, my friends, family and the most amazing husband I can't believe I landed. I hope weeks like this are rare but I would be crazy to think that this is the worst of it. I'm just glad that my friend B introduced me to a new beer to help me through these crazy times!! SWEET WATER BLUE.. I can actually feel my mouth watering just thinking about it, but its only 3pm.

Brecki and Landon sleeping the afternoon away.

 Kisses on the piggy toes!

 Its tubby time!

And...Tummy time!

 I love my  new blanket my Aunt Casi and Grammy Sue got for me!

This picture makes me sad because he is 2 pounds his birth weight (9 lbs). He looks so big!

I am adding some pictures of Jackson when he was about the same age as Brecken!! Do you think they look alike??

Power walk your way to fitness.....

One week has come and gone since baby B was brought into this world. Since then Jack has brought on a few favorite pastimes. His #1 favorite being "Power walking his way to fitness". Kevin has started this while I was in the hospital. He walks like a complete goof, swinging his arms and picking up is knees while shaking his booty and yes power walking around the house. Jackson finds this hilarious and probably more so then I do if that is possible. He has the laugh that is deep in your gut and you can't help but smile and laugh too when you hear it. Its so contagious as most belly laughs are. He follows behind Kevin laughing and trying to do his best "power walk". I secretly hope this continues for a while as I love watching my husband be such a goof and my mimicking son right behind him.

I did my own "power-walk" this past Saturday morning. Baby B woke up around 4:30am. Fed him, changed him, and swaddled him and of course after all that I was wide-eyed and thinking of all the things I was going to do that day. I wasn't going back to sleep. It has been exactly one-week since Baby B, and I thought I should try to get off some of this weight I had LOVED so much putting on. (I miss you Cheetos) I walked out the door a little after 5am. The sun was coming up. I was expecting it to be very humid as we have had over 90 degree weather for the past several days, but it was shockingly cool. I was actually a little chilly. It started out as a light jog and my feet felt like I had an extra 100 pound bricks on them. They were heavy. I was surprised when I made it up the first incline without stopping and made it to the very end (1.25 miles) without stopping too. Of course I lost my stamina on the way home so I power walked. Not like my husband, as he is the master at this. But as I power walked home I thought about what an amazing week I had had. Having Brecken finally here has been so much fun. Kevin and I have been so relaxed, not like we were when we were first time parents. I feel like we get to enjoy the things that were scary and new the first time around. Jack has been great. He asks to hold Breck. He loves to play with his toes, gives him is paci, and pet his head. He hasn't shown any dislike for Breck. He has showed some excessive whining at times accompanied with getting into things he knows he is not supposed to. It is a learning process for all of us. He doesn't like to share his toys so why would he like to share his parents??

Yet, another positive to our week was all the food we received from our friends. Thank you to everyone who has brought us food and who came to love on our new little addition. It means a lot to us that you care enough to do so. I'm going to have to power walk all this goodness off so its a good thing I have such a good teacher...or teachers.

 Brecken and Landon...3 weeks apart

Brecken and Liam!! 9 weeks apart. 

 This is what I do to keep Jack occupied. :)

The new Sit N Stand stroller! Jack loves it.  

Brothers and best friends.  

I love him. 

Mom's say the darnest things.

More times then not, I catch myself saying some pretty ridiculous things. I was talking with my mother on the phone the other day when I called out "Jack, if you are going to jump off the couch, please do so on the other side".  He probably should not be jumping off the couch anyway, but he is a pro gymnast. My mom laughed at me and I laughed too. 

I have realized in my few short years of being a mother that we are not always perfect and as much as we try or at least me, I end up doing things I would have never thought possible. "Jack do you want another spoonful of frosting?" or when Jack was first born and we were in San Diego, short on diapers....yes, I cleaned it out and put it back on. My sister Casi died when I told her this. Frankly, I did  too when I admitted it.

My dreams of raising a child germ-free also has gone down hill. I acknowledged this when I said to Jackson..."Now Jack, this really isn't a floor you can eat stuff off of." But is there really a "good" floor to do so?  They have stories  in PARENTS magazine about what children say thats funny, but they also need to put in a section in there about what parents say that is funny too. I surprise myself what comes out of my mouth or what the battles I end up losing. Superman slippers are always a good "shoe" to wear outside in the mud, and this is only the beginning.

 I like that Jack owns LOTS of pink and purple things.

Jackson likes to "get" us when we sit in the swing.

First 48

Its true when "they" (whomever "they" are) say that every pregnancy is different, every child is different...... I feel like I have said this 1,776,789 times throughout Jack's life. It rings true yet again that my labor was NOTHING like Jack's. My pregnancy was NOTHING like Jack's. Baby Breck looks "very little" like Jack. :)

FRIDAY:
I was so crabby. If you were one of the many people to talk to me I apologize. I was in so much pain all day. I have been having crazy contractions ever since Wednesday evening and nothing was happening or being consistent. I was so miserable and thinking that it was going to go on like this for another week or possibly two. One of the joys of being pregnant is waiting, but not ever knowing how much wait is anticipated .  By 3pm I sent Kevin a message saying "Get your bag ready, I think we'll be going to the hospital". As much as we both wanted to believe this message I told him to stay at work and take his appointments and we would see what was happening when he got home. Well not much was happening when he arrived home from work, but we decided to head to the hospital around 8 and with it being early enough it wouldn't really interfere with Jack's bedtime if we were to be sent home. We called the hospital-they told us to wait an hour until contractions were 5 minutes apart for 1 hour and they HAD To last 60 + seconds. Okay at this point I almost screamed with  frustration. They were 5 min apart but they were lasting from 20-40 seconds. We live about 25 minutes from the hospital and we were planning on dropping Jack off at our very best friends house, so we would all just be hanging out for a while. And of course they are so sweet and treated me like a princess. Propped my legs up, offered me everything under sun, asked if I wanted different music, lights dimmed...They are just so good to me. But all I wanted was to make these contractions get a MOVE on. Unfortunately baby Brecken was not taking notes of the Koehlers kind ways and decided to make those contractions go back from 5 min  to 20 min apart. We went home and took Jack with us even though our sweet friends offered to have Jack spend the night just in case it happened later, but we objected and went home. Jack in bed by 10:30. Kevin and Krissy 10:35.

SATURDAY: 
I dozed until 11ish, then guess what....it was happening again. At this point I'm so annoyed, but I couldn't sleep because again they were so painful. I went downstairs and started timing. Kevin followed and helped me. At 1:30 we decided its time to head back, and I did not call this hospital this time. Got Jack up and headed back to the Koehlers. Halfway there I felt a LOT of pressure. I told Kevin he needed to move a little faster because I was worried I would not get to the hospital in time to get any pain management.  The K's met usan outside. Jack was happy. Off we went to the hospital.

Arrived about 3am. Kevin offered a wheelchair, but I said no. I should have taken it. It took me a while to make it to the elevator then to have the elevator not work. (Kevin said the next day he thought people may have gotten stuck in it. So glad we lucked out on that).  Went through triage and I was at 7 cm already. Baby Breck was coming very soon!! I have never seen nurses move so fast. They wanted me to get that epidural and fast.For which I am grateful they had my needs in mind.  I had to get fluids in me first, which seemed like forever. Then the anesthesiologist came it. I didn't know if I could "be still" so he could do this. I kept waiting for the pain to stop, and it never did. It just got more intense and lasting longer. They called the doctor in. He broke my water. The time it took after he broke my water until Baby Brecken was on my chest was exactly 8 minutes. This was at 4:46am.  I have a feeling Brecken will like water slides.

It was the most beautiful moment of my life. Seeing my sweet baby boy for the first time. Hearing his cry. Not feeling anymore pain. Kevin got to cut the umbilical cord (he never did with Jack). He also was a very big part of the labor, which was different then with Jack. They NEVER took him out of the room. He was there with us for the next 5 hours!! It was amazing. Kevin and I were so overwhelmed with happiness. I wish I could replay it over and over....but without the actual labor pains.

It would be my luck that the epidural did not work for labor, but it kicked in when they were finishing everything up after labor. My legs started to go numb. 4 hours after labor I thought I would be able to get out of bed. I laughed as I collapsed onto the floor. It was so unexpected. I guess I really need both legs fully working! I was able to walk 8 hours after labor and probably 12 hours after labor I was able to have all feeling back in both legs. I got all the disadvantages of this, and none of the advantages.

Brecken's little face was pretty bruised. The doctors said that when they come out so fast like that, that they hit every bone on the way out. They wanted to make sure that was only issue why he looked so "blue". Thankfully it was, and his bruising has almost gone away completely by the 48 hour mark. He has had NO problem eating. I think I might have another little chunk on my hands. I feel like such a pro when it comes to feeding as it seems like yesterday I was doing this with Jackson. My milk has already come in and Brecken can not be more pleased. I just want to watch him all day.

Everything has been so different. I knew I would love Brecken, as I already have for almost 10 months. But I'm overwhelmed with how much it is. A very best friend of mine told me once "When you have another baby, you grow another heart", as my fear was how in the world can I love another child as much as I love my sweet Jack.  This advice rings so true it gives me chills. Jackson was perfect and Brecken is perfect. My life is complete now that Team O'Hare is a family of 4. Now all I need is a minivan and maybe a parrot.

 First night home.

 Jack was so excited to hold Breck. He did NOT want me to take him.

 Kisses!!

 I think they are holding hands..

 Kevin is so happy. I love seeing the admiration on his face.

Love his little arm.