BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!

I don't remember too much as a small child. Maybe because most of it is not worth remembering, but either way I do remember a few things and I will probably share most of them throughout my blogging life. I must have been about 4 or 5 years old when my sisters and I were an angel on a tree with the Salvation Army but I honestly have no idea if that was the case. But it was a week before Christmas, and when my family came home one evening and walked through the front door we had MOUNDS of wrapped presents with pretty bows.  My heart was pounding, I could feel happy tears forming at my eyes, and remembering this I still get chills. I don't believe that I ever believed in Santa Claus. I don't remember ever having the conversation with anyone that he was real or not real. In some sense it makes me sad that I never had that magical feeling. Even with all this said I have loved Christmas. Everyone (except for when they are driving) seems to be extra happy and giving. I want my boys to have MOUNDS of presents even though I know it's not necessary. I don't want my children to be ungrateful, but I want them to have the life I did not have growing up. Maybe I'm being unrealistic, but I truly can not help it. I want Christmas to be MAGICAL.

This year was THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!  I can only hope that every year will only exceed this year because even after all we have been through in the last couple of weeks the last few days were the most fun we have had in a LONG time. On Christmas Eve, Kevin and I spent most of the day preparing for Christmas. So much preparation that we didn't even go to bed until midnight! But we had prime rib dinner, and we all ate in our formal dining room, which we never do. We opened up our best wine from Italy and truly ate like royalty. Even though it was only us, I still got dressed up to the nines and even wore heels. We had family Christmas without actual family. The boys died over the puppet theater from Aunt Colleen, back packs filled with military trucks and police men from Grandma Sue and even Legos from Aunt Sherry!  It was how I always dreamed Christmas Eve to be. Warm. Happy. Loving. Poor Kevin put together what Santa was bringing the boys the next day and it took 2 1/2 hours!! Good thing the Christmas Story is on repeat on Christmas Eve. :)

Christmas with small children has to be the best feeling. The excitement in their eyes and in their voice can not help but put even the faintest smile on the most miserable people. My kids, both of them, were wild with excitement. Jackson's exact words five different times were "This is the best Christmas Ever!!" Even though Kevin and I are sure he doesn't remember another Christmas. Then he said "Thank you mom and dad!" I was like NOOOOO Thank Santa!! :)

Kevin and I busted out the bloody mary's around 8 AM and continued to be very merry. The TV did not get turned on for most of the day, we had dance off parties (which really is not anything new in our house) and we played outside while smoking our Brisket. During naps, Kevin and I had our Christmas together and later we went to our friends Brian and Michelle's for a drink (like we needed any more at that point). They live in our neighborhood so it was easy and fun. The kids played like angels, and Michelle and I got some much needed one on one time drinking over Irish coffee's while Brian and Kevin smoked Christmas cigars... Truly the best Christmas Ever.

Making sugar cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve. Thought this would be an easy task and boy I was wrong!! I LOVE the picture of Jack's fat little hand. 

 Decorating the Cookies! Maygan doesn't Kevin look so handsome?? :)

Puppets and puppet theater = hours of entertainment. 

Thank you Grandma Sue and Grandpa Bill for my awesome trucks!!

Cookies and Beer...What is better than that! 

Wine from Italy! Happy times. :)

Are these not the MOST adorable Christmas coffee mugs!! Coffee then Bloody Mary's.

 Jack's kissing his Rocket Ship in the first picture. I love it!

 Best Slide EVER!!! So much fun for the boys...and its a little dangerous too. :)

Bump in the road

As anyone who reads my blog already knows two weeks ago today we lost our baby. I was well into my second trimester in pregnancy at 17 weeks. Kevin and I were dreaming of having a third boy or a little girl that would have the same big brown eyes that Jack and Breck have. Loving the fact that our family of four was always meant to be a family of five, even if I was not prepared for it when we found out in September, and I realized that a baby no matter when in your life is a blessing. I was always found it amazing on how quickly the baby grows, how smart it already is, and how much loved someone can be without having met anyone.

I remember at my 12 week ultrasound how in love I already was. The baby was moving like crazy, sucking their thumb, and even sticking their tongue out. It was amazing. I remember calling my friend Leah on my way home from that appointment and completely beaming about that ultrasound. I felt the feeling of relief that I made it to the three month mark, and I could announce it to the world that we were in fact having another BABY! You never think bad things are going to happen to yourself or the people you love. You have heard several sad stories of others and wonder how they get through it. How they move on and be normal. Ever since becoming a mother myself I have vowed never to judge someone else for how they handle certain situations. Motherhood is so hard. SO HARD. Life in general is hard. I never place judgement on how people handle situations because thankfully I have never been put in too many that are this difficult. Most days I feel like its not me it happened to. Some days I cry in my shower or my in car or on my husband's shoulder. But I'm amazed with how much I am healing. My friend Carol and I were talking....I told her how much stronger I was than I thought I was....Her response to me was "Well Krissy, I can't tell you how happy that makes me. God IS answering my prayers. He is HEALING you." Great prospective.

I know my baby was not healthy, and I know that if he/she can not live inside of my womb there is no way it could live outside of my womb as the womb is the safest place for a baby. I know my baby had health issues that were out of my control and was not the baby we thought we were having.  I wish I never had to go through labor. As if the feeling of losing your baby is not enough, you now have to go through labor with the decision of whether or not to hold your baby and have a funeral. As in every situation you also have 100's of people who are giving you advice on what they think and its hard to know if you are making the right choice. The visions that I have about that day will probably stay with me for the rest of my life. The physical pain I had to endure with no reward at the end and the recovery from a labor that two weeks later still I'm recovering from is unforgettable.  But I'm thankful we were not any further along in pregnancy. I have heard many stories about women well into their third trimester or even birth who have had stillbirths, because this is what they call them at this point, and I'm grateful that I did not go any further into my pregnancy than I did.

I read that my situation is very rare and only 1% of pregnancies are lost in the second trimester and even smaller percentage at .03% in the third trimester.  I know many of you have no right words for Kevin and I and even some have avoided us. I have had two different people come up to me and congratulate me on my news and the situation turn awkward because I become the one comforting them when I tell them there is nothing to congratulate us on. It is definitely heartbreaking.  But the outpouring support is amazing.  In the week of losing our baby, my fridge was stocked with food, we received SO many bouquets of beautiful flowers and sympathy cards. We received simple gifts with scriptures and uplifting quotes that I will cherish forever. Not to mention the massive amount of phone calls, emails and texts. In the worst of times you tend to feel most loved. I have never felt more loved than now. Kevin suggested planting a cherry tree in our yard in remembrance of the baby. It signifies death and rebirth and blooms every spring. We will be planting one as a family once the weather gets warmer. We want to thank YOU for all the support, laughs and cries. We are BLESSED.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I love Christmas, I love decorations, I love shopping for others and most of all I love Jesus. This season was made for me.

This month has been insane as I knew it would be. But I honestly like it that way. It is supposed to be the most special time of year. and I want to do absolutely everything I can to be with all the people I love and carry on our traditions. Even though I started decorating a week before Thanksgiving and it is now Christmas Eve, I am not sick of Christmas music or have any desire to take down my decorations. I am going to miss it all so much.

I do apologize for the crazy amount of pictures I'm about to post! Enjoy!

Here is Jack at the Christmas parade! I think he looks a little bit impatient. :)

Finally the firetrucks!

Is he just not the cutest thing??!!

So just a few miles from our house they have a very tiny airport. For the last three years they have been doing airplane rides with Santa and we were lucky enough to go! Yes, they went up in that little airplane and flew around a few circles and the Santa never EVER changed character. :)

I was lucky enough to do another Wine and Design class. I was super excited because it was a Christmas painting and we all know how festive I like to be. :)

Here we are at the famous Singing Bears! When I tell you that this picture was taken right after I set my bag down I am not kidding. I swear I can't take them anywhere! 

Jackson's facial expressions crack me up! 

Got to LOVE Bethany's knobby knees! 

 Here we all are at our annual progressive Tree Hop! This is our third year. and we invited a few more families that do not live in our neighborhood to join us. It was a houseful with 12 adults and 13 children! 

 I love the 1st picture of Jackie and Paul. Paul is being a nerd as usual. The one in the middle cracks me up because right before this was taken we were talking about how "un-photogenic I was" and I tilt my head almost to my shoulder without knowing it. :) And the picture on the far right is of course adorable of Tyler and ClaraAnn. 

What a nut!

 The first house! 

 The kiddos! Left to Right- Isla, Liam, Teagan and Caleb

 Lera, Grayson and Baby Sophia! 

 We were the final house so everyone just DRANK! 

Oh Paul.....Is that Phil Collins your singing to? 

Sweet Mommy, Daughters picture! 

ummm...Just can not get over how handsome he is. 

I'm not sure what is more funny....Paul's french roll on his jeans OR the pitcher he is drinking beer out of? :)

Kevin's pretty proud of the half drunken Kracken! 

My favorite picture of me and Jacks at the end of the night! We could not wait to get into our PJ's! 

We love it when the Koehler's have sleep overs! 

Left to Right.

Molly, Bethany, Brecki, Jack and Landon at Christmas party #2! 

Me and the girls! Leah and Jackie.  

We don't get many pictures together as a family! Love this one! 

Jack's Christmas Party! Middle picture is with Tomas one of Jack's BFF's at school. He has 3 of them. :) The farthest picture on the right is a child feeding Brecken a cupcake. I was cracking up. It was so cute. 

All the ladies at the 2nd annual ornament exchange. It was a ball and everyone was so sweet to help me with food and desserts. I wish I would have taken a picture of the MASSIVE amount of food. It was such a great time as usual. I love everyone of these ladies!

These two never stop being silly. 

Santa at Bass Pro Shop!